


Trump; Alfred's escape

by MxGryffindorOtaku



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Human Names Used, I'm Sorry, Randomness, i'm in need of mental help..., idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-14 23:20:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8032948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MxGryffindorOtaku/pseuds/MxGryffindorOtaku
Summary: Donald Trump gets elected (yikes imo) and wants America to build that damn wall. Alfred says no and Trump decides the two of them need to 'bond'.





	Trump; Alfred's escape

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Hetalia! I also don't own Trump or his weird walls!

 Everyone was there. The whole UN. Except, one nation was still missing.  
            “That bastard was supposed to start the meeting today!” England huffed from his seat at the table.  
            “I wonder what his excuse will be?” Japan asked, tapping his fingers on the table.  
            “I swear if it’s _traffic_ again, I just might shoot him through his stupid head,” Germany stated with a certain look in his eyes that plainly said he _would_ make good on his threat.  
            “No, Doitsu! Don’t shoot America!” Italy whined, poking Germany’s arm. “I’ll be sad if you do!”  
            “You know, he has a point Ludwig. They _are_ the two idiots of the UN. It’d be weird if there was only Feli…” France said pointing at Germany. “I say we give him five more minutes. He doesn’t show by then, we start the meeting.”  
            Five minutes pasted and Alfred _still_ didn’t show up. England groaned and stood up to pass around the agenda, but his phone started to play _The Star-Spangled Banner_. “Oh, would you look at that. It’s Alfred.”  
            “Put it on speakerphone, Arthur!” Russia exclaimed. “I want to hear all of this first hand!”  
            Arthur nodded, tapped the answer button, and before the call could connect, he put it on speakerphone. “Alf-“  
            _“IGGY!”_ Alfred interrupted suddenly. _“Iggy! I need help here dude! And tell Mattie I called him_ five _times!”_  
            “I don’t need to tell him, Alfred. You’re on speakerphone.” Arthur sighed, though he hadn’t noticed that Canada had been in the room. “And what do you need help for? Where are you?”  
            _“Oh! Hi everybody! I need help because… well I need help or at least moral support. And I’m currently hiding under the sink in my bathroom.”_  
            “America~san, what are you doing under the sink?”  
            “Alfred, _mon ami_ , how do you even fit under the sink?”  
            _“I’M HIDING! You can make you’re body do the weirdest things if you’re desperate!”_  
            “Alfred, please explain what you’re doing hiding under the sink, when you should be at the meeting!”  
            _“Right, well, you know how I just had that election for my new boss, right?”_  
            “Yeah. Congratulations on that, by the way.” England said.  
            _“CONGRATULATIONS?! He’s a lunatic! He’s the whole damn reason I was under the sink!”_ America practically screeched. _“Oh. Shit, that was loud. Now he’s gonna find me! Shit, shit, shit, shitshitSHIT. Think, Alfred, think.”_ The UN hears a door open on the other end of the phone line and then a series of shuffling sounds. _“Perfect! Now he can’t get in! …And I can’t get out… Fuuuuuuck. Alfred you_ idiot _!”_  
            “Alfred, as amusing as it is to listen to you talk to yourself,” England prompted over the sound of everyone else laughing.  
            _“Right! So this idiot gets elected, right? And so my old boss passes on our secret or whatever to this new guy, and the guy looks at me like, ‘Shit, this might make it a little harder to ruin the country, now that the country has an opinion’ and blah, blah, blah. So, we get to our first meeting, and he’s all like, ‘Allie, buddy, help me build this wall between your house and Mexico’s house!’ He wants actual_ WALL _between Mexico and me! And he wants Mexico to_ pay for it _! And I tell him, and this is a direct quote, I say, ‘Are you stupid?’”_  
            The UN just stared at the phone for a full minute. Finally, Canada softly asked, “Al? He’s not going to try to put a wall between the two of us, right?”  
            _“’Course not Mattie. I won’t let him.”_ Canada could practically hear the confident smile on his twin’s face. _“But, that’s beside the point, he asked me like twice after that, and then he decided that the two of us needed to_ bond _so he suggested we get_ MATCHING HAIR CUTS AND FAKE TANS _! He wants me to LOOK like HIM! So, I ran away and hid under the sink. That was sometime last night and he’s still looking for me.”_  
            “Alfred, _mon cheri_ , what’s so bad about the way this guy looks anyway? I mean you could probably pull off the fake tan…”  
            _“Have you seen this son of a bitch? He’s, like, orange! Iggy, look up a picture of him on the big screen!”_  
            “Yeah, sure Al. I don’t think he can be or- BLOODY HELL! Are you sure that’s not a pumpkin?!”  
 _“Nope. Not a pumpkin.”_  
            “Alfred!” France screeched into Arthur’s phone. “ _Mon cheri_ , stay the way you are! Never let him catch you!”  
            _“_ Jesus _Francis! Could you scream directly into my ear a little_ louder _next time? Hey, guys? How much trouble would I be in if I killed my boss?”_  
            “Alfred~san you should not joke about such things…”  
            _“Not joking. But it might not be such a good idea anyway… Plan B… Plan B… How much pain would I be in if I jumped out of the third story window?”_  
            “THAT’S YOUR PLAN B?!” Ludwig asked jumping out of his chair. “That’s the worst Plan B I’ve heard in my whole life.”  
            _“Shut up for a sec… maybe… no… aha! I’ll throw my mattress down and jump on it!”_  
 _“FREDIE! Come on down here! The hairstylist has been waiting very patiently.”_  
 _“Oh, shit that’s him. He’s coming upstairs!”_  
            “Al, just chill and throw the mattress down!”  
            They hear Alfred tugging on the mattress. _“Okay. But actually; what the fuck? WHY IS MY MATTRESS SUPERGLUED TO THE BED FRAME? WHO’S IDEA WAS THAT?!”_  
 _“It was my idea, Alfie. There doesn’t need to be this wall between the two of us!”_ Trump called, smacking his fist to the door.  
 _“Funny. ‘Cause there doesn’t need to be a wall between Mexico and me!”_ America shouted back at his boss. _“Screw it. Guys I’m gonna jump. See you at the meeting. Bye-”_  
            “Al, you idiot. Keep us on the phone until you’ve landed so we know you’re okay!” England barked at the phone.  
            _“Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.”_ They listen as Alfred opens the window and pushes out the screen. _“Okay, let’s see here. This is a really small ledge… ah! Stand… Up… Straight… Should I, like, tuck and roll or something? I’m going with yes? Holy hell. Okay. One… Two… THREE!”_  
            There’s brief moment where the only thing they can hear is wind rushing by, and then there’s a thud, a sound like someone stomping on a bush, and a huff, as America hits the ground.  
            _“Ow. Ow-ow-ow-ow._ Fuck, _that hurt.”_  
            “Alfred, are you okay? Should we come get you? Do we need to call an ambulance?” England asks worry clouding his face.  
            _“Jesus,_ mom, _I’m fine! But whose idea was it to put a rose bush right next to a cactus plant?! So. Many. Thorns.”_  
“Um, America~san? Was it not you who put the rose bush next to the cactus plant?”  
 _“That was a rhetorical question!”_ America sneezes twice. _“Oh! I’ve made two discoveries! One; I’m allergic to_ roses _, of all things, and two; there is a cactus spike going through my nose! Isn’t this just wonderful? I should jump out my bedroom window more often!”_  
            “Alfred just get to the meeting! We’ve been waiting long enough!” Germany says.  
            _“Yes sir! Be there in twenty minutes! Bye!”_ The call ends. Arthur stares at the phone in disbelief. “How does he think he’s going to get here in twenty minutes? It takes at least thirty minutes to _drive_ from his house!”  
            “Maybe he intends to drive like Italy~san drives?” Kiku asks, fear clouding his face.  
            “No, I bet he’s going to run!” Italy says excitedly. “He’ll run all the way here!”  
            “Italy, I’m relatively sure _no one_ can run fast enough to get here in twenty minutes from America’s house,” Germany counters.  
            “Silly Doitsu! _‘You can make your body do the weirdest things if you’re desperate’_ remember? He said that! He’s still running from his boss so he’s still desperate!”  
            “Italy, I really can’t ever tell if you’re an idiot or a genius, _mon ami_ …”  
Alfred didn’t show up twenty minutes later, he showed up _eighteen_ minutes later and he looked awful. He slumped against the doorframe, out of breath, there were twigs caught up in his hair, his bomber jacket was torn, as was his shirt and tie. His glasses were shattered, the cuffs of his pants were soaked with water and he was missing a shoe.  
            England covered his mouth and tried not to laugh, “Al, you look like _shit_.”  
            “Fuck you, Iggy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note...  
> Well that was whole lot of random bullshit, but holy hell, was that fun to write! Anyway, I don't really know why I wrote this, so don't ask. But either way, I hope you liked it!  
> ~Elephants of love,  
> Ms. G.O.


End file.
